Okay, some real talk though. I’ve been talking about love, sex, and relationships a lot lately with people. Everyone seems to be looking for different things and have a different opinion about it all. I have my own opinion about it too, but it changed so much over time. I remember the days when I just wanted a boyfriend in school, and I’d ask my friends “who should I like?” I also went through periods of serious lengthy relationships, periods when I just wanted to get to know all the cute guys, a period when I just want to learn how to be independent and do my own thing without a guy, a period when I put myself in some messy situations, and a time when I was open to dating different guys that weren’t my usual type. Finally, I’m in a place in life where I don’t feel in a rush to meet a guy. It’s most likely because I love my day to day life and have a lot going on already, but also because what I am interested in something you usually don’t find everyday.
Chemistry. Chemistry is something that you usually feel right away. You click with someone and it makes you feel all tingly inside. There’s probably varying forms of chemistry. Chemistry that’s lustful and that person triggers a fire for them inside you. There’s that nervous chemistry, when you are so interested in a person you shut down and start acting all awkward because you’re so intrigued by that person. And then there’s that comfortable chemistry, the one in which your communication and banter flow so freely together that makes you feel so good being around this person. I think this kind of chemistry we also sometimes have with friends. I call them “friend crushes.”
Lifestyle Compatibility. Usually, finding a person with a compatible lifestyle is easy. You usually meet someone in the circle you’re usually in, so you’re probably going to do similar things. If you and your friends all like to go out for drinks, then you’ll probably meet someone like that. Same, if you work all the time, then you’ll probably meet someone in your professional circle or if you’re really into fitness then you’re most likely going to meet a similar minded person. I’ve definitely been in relationships where our lifestyles don’t really correlate that well, and we have to make sacrifices. Depending how big of a difference it is, may depend whether you’re willing to compromise or not
Mindset This is something I’ve only recently started thinking about.
Some- like deeper intimacy with one person, some like lighthearted things with several people, some just want physical release in the moment. I think as long as two people are on the same page about these things, then there’s really nothing wrong with any one of these mindsets as long as people know what they are getting into and are cautious about it. That said, a lot of the time people are on two different pages and then they try to push each other to fulfill each other’s needs in ways that cross what the recipient is looking for. This causes things to be messy and can make people feel uncomfortable, disrespected, annoyed, whatever. Ultimately, people should try to understand what it is that truly makes them happy and allow people in who share that same form of happiness.
Some people are very open and like to bond through communication and some people are private. This is where the Five Languages of Love may come in handy. Understanding what people need in a relationship to feel good, and in turn, how they tend to show their love.
I initially wanted to actually talk about what love is, and how you can receive and give love in more types of relationship than just romantic ones, but I guess that’ll be another post!